


For Whom the Bell Tolls

by Deansimpallagrl, WuvWinchesterHugs



Series: Because You Let Me Pick the Music [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s08e21 The Great Escapist, Flashbacks, M/M, Sick Sam Winchester, Trials of Hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 16:03:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deansimpallagrl/pseuds/Deansimpallagrl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WuvWinchesterHugs/pseuds/WuvWinchesterHugs
Summary: “Look Dean, I can tell you don’t like this idea.  But this is what I'm meant to do. I don't just know it, I FEEL it. My brain is clearer than it has ever been since the second trial.  We can find Metatron and maybe he can tell us what the third trial is.  I won't lie. I am nervous about what the third trial will be like for me.  I know that I have to finish this and before you say it, this doesn't change anything; I still plan on making it through these trials alive.  You made me a promise, Dean Winchester, and I aim to get you to the church on time, even if I have to drag you up there myself.”





	For Whom the Bell Tolls

Sam's condition has been getting worse by the day, stumbling when walking and almost falling over just from standing up, feverish and barely eating. Dean can’t help but beat himself up again for not taking on the trials instead of Sam, and being unable to make Sam better. He loves Sammy so much, and can't bear to see Sam suffering. He knows that completing the trials is the goal, but the thought in the back of his mind about what completing the trials will do to Sam, just gets bigger, and more terrifying. Dean tries to push it away, but all the times they have saved this son of a bitch, there’s always a price, a terrible one.

Purgatory was one of the weirdest times in Dean’s life. He hated it and lived in fear, but it also was combat free and pure of terrible decisions or world ending consequences. He could kill monsters without having to do research or be careful around the law. These kills were justified in the moment. But through all of it, he’d missed Sam terribly, felt like his heart was broken from the separation. That was something he'd had to live with for far too long. The thought that he would never get to see Sam, let alone kiss him again, he can’t handle that; that would've made him a broken man. He refuses to take that chance this time, if he can help it. Dean will find a way to make Sam better, even if it kills him.

Digging through Kevin’s notes after they got the email saying he was probably dead was hard on them both. They miss Kevin something awful, but trying to decipher all he had uncovered on his half of the tablet was tough. The notes didn’t make much sense to them, as it was written for a prophet, not themselves. But Dean was still hoping they would find the next trial, so they could shut the gates of hell, and be done with demons forever. 

Dean comes in the library with a tray of food for Sam and sets it down, prompting Sam to look up from his studies, looking so sick and still half asleep.

“Okay, I managed to hustle up Dad’s garbage can soup, guaranteed to burn your lips off.” Dean picks up the spoon and makes choo choo noises towards Sam’s mouth. 

“No, Dean, I don’t want any. Quit hovering. I need to find something, anything, that could help us move forward.” Sam's more frustrated about the fact that they can’t figure out the next trial, and to make it worse, he's sick enough to where he doesn’t feel like eating. But then, miraculously, he finds something that might be important.

“Dean I think I found something. This symbol on Kevin's notes is there whenever the scribe of God, Metatron, makes a note. It looks like one I saw back in one of my humanities courses in Stanford.” Sam stumbles over to the books and looks like he’s practically glowing with light. But it's only for a second, then he's back to sickly Sam again.

“They taught the word of God at Stanford?” Dean chuckles at Sam’s bitchface. He's starting to become concerned this illness was starting to affect Sam’s brain. He’s been so unsteady and sickly, Dean's had to stop himself from locking him in a room and nursing him back to health. 

“No, of course not. Oh, wait, here it is. It looks like a symbol for a secluded Native American tribe in Colorado. It stood for “messenger of God*. We need to go there!!” Sam stands up straight with a stubborn concentration Dean knows only too well.

“You think Metatron’s holed up in the mountains with some Indians?” Dean's sure he’ll never be able to talk Sam out of it, but something in is gut is telling him this is a bad idea.

“You can’t call them that, they’re native…we should go.” Sam starts listing things they need to take as his fevered brain glows with purpose; he knows this is exactly what they need to do.

They both pack up the car and begin their drive to Colorado. They’re both on edge and don’t bother talking much. Dean's been so focused on making sure Sam is ok, that he never even stopped to think about what they’ll do if they find Metatron. These trials have him so nervous, more than he can recall being when Sammy was a baby. He tries to keep away the ever growing possibility Sam might die. They're here, together, and with them being engaged, makes Dean so anxious to get them to the altar, no matter what. It doesn’t matter to him if it’s just for seconda, hours, or years, he wants this and to give this gift to Sam. He teases Sam about being the girl in this relationship, but it's definitely true in the sense that Sam is the one who loves the gestures of flowers, gifts, but most of all commitments. Dean has been trying every chance he can to work out how this wedding is going to happen. It can't be a normal affair, that's for damn sure. They’ll never be able to get a wedding license. Not just because they’re brothers; even if they don't tell people that part, they live in the wrong state for any gay relationship. A cough from Sam pulls him out of his thoughts, prompting him to take a quick look at Sam’s face to see if he's gotten worse.

“Look Dean, I can tell you don’t like this idea. But this is what I'm meant to do. I don't just know it, I FEEL it. My brain is clearer than it has ever been since the second trial. We can find Metatron and maybe he can tell us what the third trial is. I won't lie. I am nervous about what the third trial will be like for me. I know that I have to finish this and before you say it, this doesn't change anything; I still plan on making it through these trials alive. You made me a promise, Dean Winchester, and I aim to get you to the church on time, even if I have to drag you up there myself.” Sam’s dimples come out full force, and it's got Dean extremely tempted to pull over for a kiss. But he knows in this instance, speed is key, to keep Sam from getting any sicker. He sighs and nods at Sam.

“Alright, sicko, we'll track down this angel, and see what you have to do next. Just don’t expect me to like it. At all. Ever.” Dean pauses, before noting, “Guess you have good taste after al. Modern Love was a damn good song, even if it was pop. Bowie is a legend.” Dean hums the song in his head as they near the Colorado border. It won’t be much longer before they find out what huge job is going to be waiting for them. Shutting the gates of hell is going to be one of the most important things they've ever done, if not THE most important, and they're both ready to be done with demons forever.

They pull up to a hotel/casino in the Rocky Mountains. It's between Mountain towns, but even then, it doesn’t seem to have any other guests. They parked Baby and head inside. Inside, it's dark and elegant, with quiet blinking machines. They went to the front desk and the huge guy behind the counter just stared at them.

“We need a room, please…here?” Dean asks cautiously, trying to gage if this guy understands English or if he is deaf. The man nods and gets a guestbook for him to sign and a key. Dean's just started to fill in the book when he sees Sam wandering around, the quiet giant behind the desk watching him closely.

There's suddenly a ringing in Sam's ears, and Sam tries to locate the source. His vision starts to get a little blurry; it's like the sound is everywhere, all around him. He turns back to see Dean and the large Native American watching him with confusion.

“You can't hear that? It’s kind of loud. Like a ringing... noise?” Sam trails off as he turns back to walk towards the bar, hoping to pinpoint the sound and ignoring Dean’s worried look.

“He’s really sick; don’t mind him.” Dean smiles, despite still being unable read the man’s face. He isn’t threatening, but silence has always made Dean uneasy. He takes the key and nods at the man, going to get Sam to get them to their room.

The hotel is definitely empty. So much so, they're suddenly not sure if they’re even in the right place. They decide to talk in the room for a bit and contemplate their next move. Sam’s feeling dizzy and a little floaty, laying on his bed while Dean looks through some brochures. But then, suddenly, Sam's mind is bombarded with childhood memories.

“Remember when Dad took us to the bottom of the Grand Canyon on that pack mule ride? Your mule kept farting, like gale force.” Sam giggles and clutches his stomach, watching Dean.

“What? You were only 4 years old. I barely remember that.” Dean’s frown deepens as Sam's only reaction is to giggle again and roll over on the bed.

“You rode a farty donkey.” Sam can’t stop himself from letting loose another set of giggles and covering his eyes; the room's suddenly getting too bright for him.

“Alright there, calm down before you roll off the bed and break your head.” Dean looks at the brochure in his hand and gets an idea. 

“I think I need to visit the gift shop and see what I can find out. You just stay put and rest ok?” Dean kisses Sam’s forehead for a temp check. It's warm, but not too bad, so he figures leaving Sam alone is ok for what he's going to do. Sam smiles at Dean, but he’s already half asleep, so Dean covers him with a blanket and slips out.

 

Sam’s dreams are filled with childhood memories, a soothing trip down memory lane. Most of them, of course, are about Dean and all the ways he took care of Sam, all the ways he's STILL taking care of him. Dean making him food and tucking him in, in particular, are the ones he can see so vividly. Like a chain of love stretching back to his earliest memories. He can see how much Dean loves him, how long he has loved him. They grew up with an intense bond not often seen in brothers. The older they got, the more they were bonded in the knowledge they could only trust each other. That, of course, was broken when Sam took off for Stanford. He saw the betrayal Dean felt all over his face. He didn’t know how to tell Dean it wasn’t him he was leaving. He knew that he could never explain that he could no longer be around his dad. Their Dad knew them better than anyone, and it was a matter of time before he'd see Sam’s love for Dean wasn't entirely brotherly. There was also the desire for a normal life that never went away, even if that meant breaking his own heart and leaving Dean’s side. He didn’t want to die in the hunter life and secretly, he hoped Dean would follow him. He was wrong, of course, and he never realized that their Dad did see what was going on and was not as upset as he seemed when Sam left. He knew Dean would obey and follow him anywhere. Sam had one visit from his Dad and it was only for a few moments, but it told him everything he needed to know. John appeared from the darkness of a street corner as Sam walked home from a fateful party he met Jess at. Sam had sensed someone, so he didn’t jump, but he was surprised it was his Dad. 

“Sammy, I need you to need to stay here and not look for your brother. He's doing good out there, and the last thing he needs is to get all confused again.” John nodded and backed away before Sam could speak. For a long time, he chalked it up to a bad dream because it was so brief. He was half drunk and he didn’t want to believe that John knew the truth. 

When Sam wakes up, he gets angry at their father like he wishes he had at the time. Sam needs to find Dean, no matter what John said. Sam struggles to his feet and leaves the room. He can barely see, but he starts making his way to the elevator when he hears it coming up. He ducks into a doorway just as the doors open. He hears a squeaking sound, and peeks around the corner. He sees the man that checked them in wheeling a cart and unloading it in front of another door. He hides again, waiting for the man to leave. He feels there's something important to this, so when he hears the elevator leaving, he stumbles to the stacks of boxes and opened one, uncovering a load of books inside. It makes no sense to Sam in his current fevered state, but he knows it must be important, and he moves back towards their room, while simultaneously trying to call Dean. He hears the phone ringing, when he starts to feel like he's falling, but it's a slow floating fall, and before he knows what hit him, he's slipping into the grey fog of unconsciousness.

Dean picks up his phone and sees Sam calling. He’s on alert immediately and when he hears no one on the other line, he can't help it, he panics. He runs for the hotel proper and all the way up the elevator as he paces, while working up a worried sweat. When the doors open, he sees Sam lying on the floor and a gasp escapes from his lips without thinking. He runs to Sam’s unconscious body and checks for breathing. He was, thank God, but he’s almost burning, hot to the touch. Dean opens their door and carries Sam inside. He starts a cool bath and takes the bucket to fill with ice. Dean dunks Sam into the tub, clothing and all, as soon as it’s ready, and waits for the 30 seconds it takes for Sam to burst out of the water, almost screaming in pain and confusion. 

Dean wraps a towel around Sam as he slips around on the wet floor. His face is now white from cold, but Sammy definitely looks more lucid than he did when they got to the hotel.

“What happened, Dean? What's going on?” Sam can only remember the memory of his Dad at Stanford that he had buried so deep inside. 

“When you called and didn't say anything, I came running to find you passed out in the hallway. Your fever was so high I had to put you in the bath or I would have had to take you to the hospital.” Dean’s so relieved, he gets angry and defensive.

“The hospital can’t help. How do you help someone who’s taking on biblical trials? What did you find out?” Sam still feels John’s hand on his elbow, and it makes him shiver harder.

“Well it looks like Metatron was here; he promised the tribe that if they gave him gifts he would reward them. I saw a picture of the guy who checked us in from at least 100 years ago. They got the gift of eternal life I think, but what did they give him?” Seeing Sam so clear headed, makes Dean nervous about finding Metatron; what fresh hell will the next trial bring them?

“It’s books. I know it. Stories. I know where he is too; he’s at the end of our hall in another room.” Sam stands up, letting the towel fall off his shoulders and heads for the door. Dean follows, hoping that Metatron is not like the other angels they have met.

“Dean do you remember when you used to read to me to help me sleep?” Sam stumbles, the memories springing up in his mind so quickly.

“No, I don’t. What's going on with you, Sam? Why all the rehashing of childhood memories?” Dean’s sad he can’t remember all the things he did for Sam, the things he now sees were important to Sam.

“You read me a story about the Knights of the round table. I remember seeing a, uh...a picture of Sir Galahad, and the light was streaming over his face and he looked so pure. I remember thinking… I remember thinking that I could never go on a quest like that, because I wasn’t clean. You think...you think maybe I knew? That I could feel, deep down inside, that I had something evil inside me?" Sam suddenly stops talking, his pale face a mask of anguish. 

“Sam, I need you to listen to me, alright? I don’t know why you’re remembering the things you are, but I know you were never unclean, and you had no way of knowing about the demon blood as a child. I think your brain might be a little scrambled from this trial fever. Let’s just find the angel and get the hell outta here.” Dean’s heart breaks at recalling Sam's tortured face as he recalled that memory, because no matter what was in Sam’s blood as a child, he was still so innocent and pure to Dean. Dean was the one responsible for this kid, watching him grow up, being kind and thoughtful to everyone in his life. He'd only ever wanted to please and love everyone, no matter what pain he had surrounding hunting. Even leaving for college Sam still loved his family, and went out with Dean to find Dad.

Sam nods, and they finally make it to the door, but this time, all the boxes are gone.

“I thought you said this was the place. There’s nothing here.” Dean looks for the boxes in front of the nearby doors, just in case.

“They were here. I know they were. Wait a minute. The door’s open.” Sam starts to push the door open when Dean grabs his arm, pulling out his gun and moving in front of Sam. As soon as the door opens, they see a maze of books from floor to ceiling, with little paths running through the towers. As Dean slowly weaves through the stacks, that ringing sound gets louder and Sam has to put his hands over his ears.

Dean turns a corner and sees a double barrel shotgun inches from his face and a shorter middle-aged man pointing it at him.

“Who are you and who sent you?” The gun is steady, but the man's face shows he's definitely freaked out.

“No one sent us. We’re just looking for Metatron.” Dean’s watching the gun, hoping it will lower.

“Who do you work for, Michael or Lucifer?” The man stays cautious and does not lower the gun.

“I can’t hear you over the noise. Can you turn it down please?” Sam has to yell because he can’t hear anything but the loud ringing noise.

“Noise? What noise? Oh, wait a minute. Are you undertaking one of the great trials? When you get far enough along you begin to start resonating with the word on the earthly plane. That, of course, would be me.” Sam and Dean sit in an open area, and Metatron snaps his fingers, so Sam can hear things normally again.

They talk with Metatron for a bit and find out he’s been in hiding and doesn’t know what the hell's going on. They realize he doesn’t know that Kevin died as a profit and he could have helped. They explain to Metatron about Kevin and after a bit, Metatron makes Kevin appear with them just in the nick of time, because he was literally in the middle of Crowley trying to kill him for real. Kevin's promptly healed, and it leaves them all feeling very relieved. Then, once everyone's calmed back down, it's revealed the last trial is Curing a Demon. No one's quite sure how to do that yet, but since they were sitting on the biggest bunch of knowledge at the bunker, they knew it wouldn't take long to figure out. Once they got back to the bunker, Dean had to admit Sam was looking a little better.

“Looks like you're feeling a little better. Are you?” Dean wants to believe that's true, but this trial business has got him really worried again. Now they have a direction, and if they really are nearing the end, what else could possibly go wrong?

“Yeah. I am. Now that I have a direction to move in, and a goal, I definitely feel much better.” Sam pauses, not sure he should say this now, but decides he should. “One more thing. About all the childhood memories I kept throwing your way. For some reason, my brain was throwing random memories of our childhood at me.” 

Dean looks worried at that, which Sam's quick to dispel, “What I figured out was that you have loved and taken care of me for a long time, and I've loved you for just as long. It was Dad that made me realize that we were not always going to be accepted. He showed up at Stanford for a few minutes, and I buried the memory. He said to stay away from you and disappeared. I buried it because I was trying to start something normal and bury my feelings for you. Naturally, I couldn't keep those feelings locked down for long. I wanted to make sure you felt the same way before I let you know. It was a long road from us realizing it, to getting engaged, and I can't tell you how excited I am for us to get married. I just wanted to make sure you know how all the sacrifices you made, and all these years you've taken care of me, has meant to me. I love you so much Dean, and when this is all over, we get to spend the rest of our lives without Demons.” 

Sam pulls Dean in for a sweet, soft kiss. They melt together, letting the tensions flow away. Then they hear Kevin moving and pull apart, and they all sit down to start the research, and move towards the final trial.


End file.
